


I Always Knew You Could

by orphan_account



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:50:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5942677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal gets nervous during her first camp with the National Team, and finds a friend in Christen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Always Knew You Could

Everyone talks about endings. They talk about endings being hard and painful, about endings being closing doors that cause windows to open, they talk about endings that change everything that could have or should have been. That endings are a struggle is a universal fact. 

But for Mallory Pugh, endings were easy. Endings simply meant something was over. It was beginnings she struggled with. 

Beginnings were uncomfortable because they came with uncertainty. And uncertainty made Mal nervous. Beginnings always left a nervous flutter in her stomach and her mind racing with thoughts of would could happen. Or rather, what could go wrong.

It was the beginning of a cold January Sunday morning that brought the beginning of a new chapter of her life. The young seventeen year old sat in the passenger seat of her mom’s car, staring out of the window at the training complex she was supposed to have walked into 10 minutes ago. 

“What if no one talks to me?” The usually cheerful and rambunctious girl felt small as she pulled her knees up to her chest, steadily avoiding her mother’s gaze. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

“Mallory Anne Pugh I know that this is not how I raised you. You were chosen to be here. You are talented, you work hard, you earned your call up.” Placing a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder, she continued, “They will talk to you. They were in your cleats too once. And if they don’t, well you’ll have to score a goal on them then, okay?”

Content that the corners of her daughter’s mouth turned upwards in a nervous smile, Mrs. Pugh relaxed. “Do you want me to walk you in?”

Mal’s face set with determination as she breathed in deeply and lowered her legs to settle her feet on the floor of the car again. “No. I’ve got this. Thanks though, mom.” The young girl turned to face her mother. “I love you. I’ll see you in three weeks?”

With a smile on her face and pride in her eyes, the young soccer player’s mom nodded and leaned forward to hug her daughter once more. “Go get them, kiddo. Show them everything you’ve got. I love you.”

The forward made sure she had all her gear with her and closed the door gently. The steps she took towards the training facility were slow but deliberate. She stopped a few feet in front of the door, reveling in the emotions that were racing through her. Turning and waving goodbye to her mom one last time, Mal walked into January Camp. 

\---

Several handshakes, an orientation packet, and an awkward elevator ride later, Mal entered her room. She noticed a few stray items of clothing, not recognizing any of them, and crossed her fingers that her roommate would like her. 

Please like me. Please. Or at least act nice to me on the outside. Or just at least don’t ignore me. Please. 

A small body crashed into Mal’s own as the younger girl was pulled into a hug. 

“Yay you’re here! Hi Mal I’m so glad you’re here and I am so glad we’re rooming together! I begged and begged Jill to let me be your roommate. Do you want me to help you unpack? Are you nervous? Do you want me to introduce you to everyone?” 

When she was released from the tight hug, Mal blinked a few times, trying to wrap her mind around the flurry that had just hit her. 

“Ohmygosh I’m so sorry.” The older player giggled slightly at what had just happened. “I told myself that I would play it cool, but I let my excitement get the better of me and-” Realizing that the younger girl was still overwhelmed, she cut her sentence short. “Hi. I’m Kelley. I hope I didn’t scare you off.”

Mal giggled along with Kelley. “Hi, I’m Mal. And you didn’t.” The younger girl beamed a smile as Kelley hugged her again, more gently this time. 

“Which bed do you want? I don’t mind whichever, so you can pick.” Kelley looked at the young girl, trying to convey kindness as much as possible. 

“Uhm... I ... you should pick. You’re older.” Nerves settled into the pit of Mal’s stomach again as she realized she was rooming with Kelley O’Hara, Olympic Gold Medalist. 

“Nope, I insist that you pick. I’ve had more than my fair shares of being a young one at camp, I’m excited to be an elder. My first job as an elder is making you pick your bed.” Kelley tried to keep a stern look on her face, but her good nature took over and rearranged the frown into a smile. 

Mal relaxed a little, all intimidation she had previously felt was washed away by Kelley’s goofiness. “The one by the window please?” 

With a nod of confirmation, Kelley told her she had made a good choice and helped her move her belongings onto the bed. The two got to unpacking the clothes and items they had brought with them, making small talk as they did so, Mal remaining slightly awestruck all the while. 

\--

“Mal!”

The younger girl snapped her head around from where she had been staring out of the window, only to be faced with an amused Kelley. 

“What are you thinking about?” The defender walked over and sat beside Mal on her bed. 

Shrugging her shoulders, she replied “Camp.” 

“What about camp?”

Mal ducked her head slightly, trying to hide her nerves. “It’s the full team. I’m really grateful to be here. It’s a good experience for me.”

Kelley smiled softly as she recalled her first full team camp, and rubbed the younger girl’s back gently. “It’s okay to be nervous. We’ve all been through it. Even Carli and Hope. They forget it because they think they’re invincible, but we’ve all been there. We’ve got your back.” Kelley stood up, holding a hand out for Mal to take. “Come on, we have a team meeting, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

As she took the defender’s hand gratefully, Mal smiled. Maybe I can do this. The feeling stayed until they were a few feet from the conference room door. Mal stopped, and when Kelley stopped with her, she looked up at the defender asked quietly, “Any last minute advice?”

“Just be intense.”

Mal nodded and set her game face on. 

\---

“-and last but not least, Mallory Pugh. She is 17 years old, captain of the U20s team, Golden Boot winner at the U20s world cup qualifiers.”

Applause erupted and friendly faces turned to smile at her. Mal tried to keep her nerves hidden, and smiled widely when she caught Kelley and the girl sitting next to her - Christen Press - both giving her a thumbs up. 

Maybe this won’t be so bad. 

\---

The girls went straight into their first training session after the initial meeting. The first day would consist of a variety of tests to assess their fitness at the start of camp. The first of which was the dreaded beep test. 

Mal silently rejoiced. Though nobody loved the beep test, all she had to do was run back and forth alongside the other players. Knowing she wouldn’t be launched straight into a scrimmage without having had a chance to meet the other players calmed her nerves slightly.

The 26 girls at camp lined up in a row. Mal positioned herself on one end, so she wouldn't get caught in between people as they ran. She smiled at the girl who jogged over to line up beside her. The same girl that had thrown a thumbs up to her earlier that day. 

“Hi. I'm Christen.” 

“Mal.” A shy smile crept on the younger girl’s face, nerves still dominating. 

“Alright ladies, get ready.” Dawn’s voice cut off any reply Christen had been ready to give, and a few seconds later they were running. 

The first few runs were easy, Mal and Christen giving each other encouraging smiles at each rest turn. 

As the runs got progressively faster the smiles got tighter. 

When Dawn called out that they had officially passed the beep test and could stop whenever, most girls peeled off to the sides. Not Mal. She was determined to show them what she could do. 

One by one, the girls stopped running and soon it was only Heather, Tobin, Alex, Kelley, Christen, and Mal. 

Mal tried to forget that she had once pinned posters of these very same girls up in her room, and that she had posted photos of them as her #womancrushwednesday. 

When Alex and Christen both gave out, Mal’s nerves had all but disappeared. She was nearing her maximum endurance, and she tried valiantly to push through. Mal managed two more runs then leaned forwards, hands on knees, to catch her breath. 

Kelley, Heather and Tobin lined up without Mal for the next run. Mal tried to not feel defeated at having stopped. She felt herself get pulled into a warm hug. 

“Do not do that. Do not beat yourself up. You did amazing.”

Mal looked at Christen in surprise, wondering if her disappointment in herself was really that obvious. 

“Don't worry.” Christen smiled at the look the younger girl was giving her. “It’s not that obvious, but I've been in your shoes before. And I can tell you're beating yourself up inside. You shouldn't though, you did great.”

The seventeen year old finally returned the hug, breaking off from it only to cheer for Kelley as the defender stopped running and joined into their hug. Together the three girls cheered for Tobin and Heather as both players finished their own runs. 

The rest of the tests were more individualized and therefore less stressful for Mal. She shared some high fives and some hugs with the girls throughout the day, but mostly kept to herself, watching the older girls and taking in as much knowledge as she could from them. 

\---

With the fitness tests over, the real training began. The goalkeepers were taken aside by the goalkeeping coach, and the rest of the team was separated into smaller groups. Mal found herself hoping that she and Kelley would be in the same training groups for the day. Unfortunately, she did not get her wish.

“Okay pick a partner, and we’re going to start on fitness drills. If you're a veteran pick a rookie, rookies pair up with a veteran.”

Mal shrunk back, trying to make herself as small as possible. She watched quietly as the girls in front of her paired up. Steph ran straight for Carli, jumping right into the older one’s outstretched arms. If only I had a friendship like that. Lindsay looked towards Tobin, who gave her a thumbs up in return. Or one like that. 

“Mal?” A voice rang out from just behind the young forward. “Will you please be my partner?” 

The youngest on the team turned in surprise and gaped at Christen. “You want to be partners? With me?”

“If you’ll have me.” Christen poked her tongue out jokingly. 

When Mal nodded in agreement, Christen hugged her tightly. 

The partnership worked effectively from the first drill onwards. Even when the team got split back up by position, Mal remained by Christen’s side. It continued this way for the first week of camp. 

\---

Sunday night Mal sat cross-legged on the armchair, alone in her room, waiting for Lindsay to eventually walk into her room looking for an escape from the rest of the rookies. That’s how it had been every night so far at camp. It’s not like the other girls excluded her. The other rookies always asked Mal if she wanted to hang out with them and they were nice to her. But when they talked about college and parties and classes, and neither Mal nor Lindsay could relate to it. 

They had known each other for a while now; seeing each other at club games throughout Colorado when they were younger, sharing orange slices at half-time and cheers when they both won tournament trophies, before the older of the two had left the US for Paris. It wasn’t until this camp that they truly hung out though. The two had quickly settled into a routine of chilling in Mal’s room while the extroverted rookies wrecked havoc through the camp, usually lead by Steph. 

Though neither of the girls would say they were best friends, they had grown close in the week that had gone by. 

Three swift knocks went unheard by the young girl, lost in her own thoughts. It happened often enough that Lindsay had learnt to walk in anyway, and so the older girl did just that. 

But tonight something was wrong. Mal was sitting, staring out of the window as she was often want to do but something felt different to Lindsay as she walked in the room. 

Before she has made it three steps inside, she heard a sniffle. Then another. Then she watched silently as Mal lifted an arm up to wipe at her eye. Lindsay’s heart wrenched as she realized the younger girl was crying. 

“Mal?”

The younger girl turned at the sound of her name, tears streaming down her face. More tears than Lindsay had expected. 

“Are you hurt?” It was the sign of a true athlete that that was the first question that came out of Lindsay’s mouth. It was the sign of a true friend that when Mal shook her head no, Lindsay asked “What can I do that will be helpful for you in this moment?”

The seventeen year old’s eyes locked onto Lindsay’s and the older girl could see the pain in them. Mal’s desperate shrug didn't give her much to go off of, but Lindsay was determined to help her. 

“Okay. Vague questions are hard to answe when you're crying, I get it. Can you answe yes or no questions for me?”

Mal gave a small nod. Yes.

“Good, okay good. Do you want to be alone or do you want me to stay?” 

Mal looked at Lindsay desperately, and opened her mouth only to close it again. 

Lindsay winced, “Sorry. My bad. Do you want to be alone?”

A small but grateful smile appeared on the seventeen year old’s face as she shook her head softly. 

“Then I’ll stay. Do you want to talk about it?”

Mal’s hair flew behind her as she shook her head violently. 

“Do you want me to just sit with you for a while?”

Lindsay waited patiently. When Mal finally nodded, ever so slightly, Lindsay immediately moved to sit opposite her, and picked her hand up gently. 

The younger girl began to cry harder at the small gesture, but clung on to it tightly so Lindsay wouldn't let go. 

“Do you want me to get someone?” 

Mal’s eyes flew open. 

“Not the coaches. Relax, Mal. Someone like Kelley, or ... or Alex or ... or Christen maybe?”

The young forward’s eyes lit up at the last name, but she didn't nod. Instead, Mal shook her head and ducked it, trying to hide the tears that kept streaming. Lindsay watched her carefully, thinking she understood why Mal had said no. “Do you want me to text Christen and ask if she’s not busy if she can come here?” 

The nod was small. So small that if Lindsay hadn't been paying such close attention, she would have missed it. 

Holding on to the younger girl’s hand tightly, Lindsay used her other hand to fish her phone out of her pocket and send a quick text to Christen, hoping the older forward was close by. 

\---

Christen ran into Mal and Kelley’s room, uncharacteristically letting the door slam shut loudly behind her. The older forward kneeled down in front of Mallory, catching her breath as she looked at the younger girl carefully. “Mal, what’s wrong?”

Lindsay stood up, her hand still trapped in Mal’s right grasp. Lindsay saw the conflict in Mal’s eyes, and resolved it for her. “How about I go make us all hot chocolate and bring it back up here?” 

Mal smiled gratefully, releasing the midfielder’s hand, and Christen thanked her as she made her way towards the door. When she heard the door click, Mal reached out the hand that Lindsay had been holding, and Christen grabbed it gently as soon as she saw the movement. 

“What's wrong baby girl?” Christen looked at her younger friend with love in her eyes, hoping she would open up. 

“I can’t- not good- you- I- fail.” Most of Mal’s sentence was drowned out by her tears. 

Christen sighed inwardly. She didn't need to hear the whole sentence to understand what was going on. She picked Mal up gently, sat down on Mal’s bed, leaning against the headboard, and pulled the younger girl onto her lap. Mal’s only response was to cry harder. Christen hugged her tightly, holding Mal’s small frame to her while she sobbed. 

Moving quickly, christen grabbed her phone out of her pocket when the alert for a new text sounded. Mal was, luckily or unluckily, crying too hard to notice. 

From: Linds | “Let when know when me and the hot chocolates should appear”

They stayed that way until Mal’s sobs turned to silent tears again, Christen occasionally wiping the tears away from her friend’s cheeks. The older girl waited patiently, knowing Mal would speak in her own time. 

“What if I fail?” Mal rubbed at her eyes with a fist, trying to hide the tears. 

“Why would you fail?” 

“I...I'm not good enough.”

Christen’s heart shattered as she heard Mal’s reply. “Mal, you crushed all the fitness tests, you're doing great throughout all of the drills and scrimmages, you're amazingly talented. What makes you think you're not good enough?”

Mal hugged Christen as a thank you for the kind words. “You’re sweet. But everyone here is so good and I’m just-”  
“You’re just seventeen, Mal.” Christen cut the young girl off before she could continue with the thoughts. “It’s your first camp, and you’re already doing so well. The rest of us have had time in the professional leagues and in other camps. You know, I didn’t score a single goal my first camp? You’ve already scored so many that Hope, Alyssa, and Ash are still out there practicing right now, to try and figure out how to stop your shots. You made the big bad goalkeeper worry about her skills.”

With the tiny giggle that escaped from Mal, Christen’s heart soared. The young girl shook her head, “She’s really skilled. She’s not big and bad, she’s nice.”

“I know, Mal, I know. Just trying to make you laugh.” 

“It worked. Thanks Christen. Sometimes I forget you’ve all gone through this already.”

Christen kissed the top of Mal’s head gently, and gave her another tight hug. As the younger girl rearranged herself so they were lying side by side, Christen shot off a quick text to Lindsay, letting her know it was okay to join them again. 

“You’re okay. We’re all here for you. You’re going to do great things. I know you can.”

“Thanks for helping me Christen. You’re like my team mom.” 

The older girl beamed with pride, too emotional to try to form a coherent response. 

She was saved by Lindsay walking in, somehow holding three steaming mugs of hot chocolates and two different Disney dvds in her hands and dragging Kelley in tow. 

Half an hour later, most of the team had gathered into Mal and Kelley’s room and piled onto both girls’ beds to watch the movies together. 

Christen smiled contentedly as her young protegee fell asleep in her arms, before even the first movie was over, exhausted from the emotional day she had had.

\---

With Christen’s sage advice, Mal put her best efforts into the rest of camp. As more days passed, she grew more comfortable. The progress in her performance was noticeable to all those around her, and earned her praise from all the coaches. Her friendships with Lindsay and Kelley grew stronger, and she started to bond with the rest of the team. But by far the best friendship she was forming was that with Christen, whom she has come to think of as an older sister. 

\---

The night before the game, Mal couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and tossed some more. It was during one of those many turns that Kelley woke up to get a glass of water. As the older girl stood by the mini fridge, gulping the cool water from her bottle, she noticed the movements from her roommate. 

“Have you gotten any sleep yet Mal?”

“Kelley don't worr-” Kelley’s glare stopped Mal midway through her sentence. Defeatedly, she had to admit, “No. I can't.” 

“Alright hold tight.”

Mal wondered what the defender was up to as she slipped out of the room. The younger girl wasn't left to wonder long, as her roommate soon returned with another forward in tow. 

“Hey little one, Kelley told me you couldn't sleep?”

“I tried. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for her to go and wake you up.”

“Don't even worry about it. Kelley stayed up with me until I fell asleep the night before my first cap, so it's my turn to stay up tonight.”

“She’s right.” Kelley’s voice sounded out from underneath her covers as she tucked herself back into bed. “G’night.”

Christen sat down carefully onto the edge of Mal’s bed, making sure not to hurt the younger girl. When Mal held a corner of her duvet up, Christen crawled into bed with her, and pulled the girl into her gently. 

“What if Jill changes her mind and decides not to play me tomorrow?” Mal’s voice was quiet, trying to not disturb the two older players too much.

Kelley opened her mouth, but Christen answered before the defender had a chance to speak. “Then you’ll join the list of great soccer players that Jill continues to ignore for some unknown reason. You can cheer everyone on from the sidelines while standing shoulder to shoulder with some of the best and most versatile players this team has ever seen.” 

Christen searched out Kelley’s eyes in the darkness, her words aimed at the young defender as well as the young forward. Kelley caught her eyes, and smiled gratefully, choosing to keep silent so as to not spoil the moment for Mal. 

“What if she puts me in and I mess up? What if I trip over my own feet? Or try to score but send it flying into the stands?”

“Well...” Christen bit back a giggle as she made eye contact with Kelley again from across the gap between the two beds, “Then you’ll join the likes of Abby Wambach, Alex Morgan, Carli Lloyd, Tobin Heath, several other great players.”

Mal’s breathing hitched lightly, her nerves getting the best of her. 

“What if you do score a goal, Mal?” Christen pulled the younger girl into her closely, sharing body warmth and trying to relax her. 

“You really think I can?”

“I know you can.”

Though Christen was usually the little spoon, she relished being the big spoon for her little friend. She rubbed slow circles into Mal’s back as the younger girl’s breathing leveled out. 

A small chuckle escaped from Kelley, and Christen caught her eyes. 

“She’s out like a light. Just like you were. If she scores tomorrow too, you better adopt her.” Kelley’s smile flashed across the room. 

“Shut up O’Hara.”

\---

“Kell! Mal! Start warming up. You’re going to be subbed in.” Jill smiled at the two girls’s reactions. 

Kelley’s face lit up, excited to be getting playing time. Mal’s face, however, was the picture of pure shock. 

The young forward had known Jill would be making as many substitutions as possible and she knew there was a chance she could play. She had dreamed of this moment for years. But she hadn't dared to believe that her dream would come true today. 

Tobin got up off the bench and joined Kelley to help Mal warm up on the sidelines, and later took hold of the bright colored vests that the two girls shed off as they made their way towards the official. “You go Mal!” Tobin smiled, remembering her own first cap all those years ago. 

“Remember what I told you, okay? Be intense.” Kelley put her hand on Mal’s shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze of comfort. 

Mal nodded and swallowed loudly, too nervous to speak. 

She cheered as Kelley ran onto the pitch, waiting for her own substitution. 

The roar of the crowd became deafening as Alex ran towards her. I am coming on for Alex freaking Morgan. This is unreal. 

“Go out there and have fun. You can do this.” The older forward’s raspy voice filled Mal’s ears as they hugged. 

Mal drew from the energy of the crowd as she ran onto the pitch for her first cap. 

She drew up to her position, smiling tightly at Christen as she caught her eyes. 

“I believe in you.” Mal couldn't hear the words over the crowd, but she read them easily as Christen mouthed them to her. 

The speed of play was slightly faster than Mal was used to, but luckily, in large part due to the Irish team’s much lower rank, it still felt comfortable. 

Mal hung in there, staying in position, and trying to find her groove. It didn't take long for the young forward to start connecting passes. Her heart was soaring as she ran, finally feeling like she belonged here. 

\---

Mal saw the ball speeding towards her. With a quick glance at Ireland’s goalkeeper, she jumped into the air. The young forward pushed herself upwards, and headed the ball hard. She tracked the ball as her body fell through the air. It hit the net just as her feet slammed into the ground. 

She didn't need to look at the referee to know if the goal was valid, the roar of the crowd was confirmation enough. 

Sprinting as fast as she could, Mal made a beeline towards Christen. The older girl scrambled to her feet and stretched her arms out wide, catching Mal and spinning her around. 

“I always knew you could.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it (:
> 
> [dedicated to SkaterTobin]


End file.
